The Stupid Things I Do for love

Image from flickriver.com
"DAPITHAPON" : This song by Johnoy Danao reminds me of my experience of living together with someone you know will never come back. "Uuwi ng walang nagaabang, heto na naman"

I've never tried living away from my parents that's why moving in to my boyfriend's apartment (together with his friends) was a tough decision. I'm youngest and the only daughter so my parents really didn't approve of this. I argued with them to give me that freedom that I want because I reason out - I'm of the right age.

Living with him was the happiest. We wake up together, we go to work together, we eat together, we went home together and we sleep together. I don't go home every weekends just to have a day with him - washing our clothes, tagging along his activities and buy and cook our food. I practiced the life that I hope will be. We were happy like there's nothing else to ask for. However, this happiness of being together eventually sips the air out of him. He was suffocated and he got bored. This routine frustrated him and he looked for a brand new life without me.

He eventually didn't wake up at the same time as mine. I go to work alone. He has his buddies over lunch and I'm the one to fit in them. He went home during weekends and doesn't want me to come over. He go to places without me knowing. He do activities alone. He basically just want to live alone and worst, he cheated.

I was doomed. This living-together idea formed an attachment that was so big and so deep it was hard for me to give up. I know I need to break this foundation I thought was so  strong. I can't accept it and tried many times just to make it work. That includes giving him the space that he needs.

That house I thought was home became witness in every loving moments we had - every conversation, every "kulitan", the bond and my efforts to serve him. Unfortunately, it also became witness of our every tears and make-up, of our every arguments and the shameful fights in front of his roommate, of me going back after I declared I'll leave the house, and of every shameful begging and heartless rejections.

That home witnessed how we started and how we ended. I threw away the keys that I have, because I know I'll never go back to that place, and there's no one to return to in the first place. Living with him was a STUPID idea, because it only made me vulnerable. It got me so attached to the idea that that was just the start of my last relationship. But I guess, life can betray you. It can break any relationship that we thought was strong enough because of the years and the setup. 

To how this love ended, I'm still grateful. All I can say is it's charged to experience. 

Notes:

"The Stupid Things I Do for Love" is a blog series featuring true to (my) life stupidity when it comes to love. I hate to type that statement. So corny. But yeah, stories are not posted in chronological order.